It seems so funny to announce that now, but a month ago, I was so embarrassed that I burned out writing a burnout challenge; something that was supposed to help others prevent the very thing I was experiencing.
Starting your own website and building a backing community behind it, isn’t an easy thing. It’s exciting and challenging and liberating and frustrating. I don’t know if I was truly ready, but here we are.
How the Burnout Challenge Started
I started the burnout challenge in an effort to connect with friends and other teachers during one of the most challenging parts of the school year. I knew that when I was teaching, October/November/February were the very hardest for me in terms of depression and burnout. I figured it would be a fun way to connect with others.
Not so.
I set a goal for doing a 30-day burnout challenge, started a one-month Burnout Challenge Facebook group, invited all the teachers I knew. . . basically did all the things I thought would build traction for this thing and it was fun– until it wasn’t.
I Burned Out
I started writing a new piece each night. 600 words minimum. SEO researched and something that applied to teachers.
I made a new pinterest pin and pinned it to all of my tribes, designed a Canva image for the post. Found pretty images.
But, then it became something different.
It became toxic.
The burnout challenge became something that made me resent writing. I hated having a strict deadline. I hated the idea of logging in to write about something that I was really struggling with.
I think it stems from the fact that I don’t think I ever gave myself a break. I went from being a full-time teacher in October to working for a blog friend and starting my own website the next week. I never checked in with myself about how to care for myself. I wasn’t sleeping, I was working 16 hour days trying to get this website started and a burnout challenge began to feel like a dare.
I guess I wanted to prove something to myself.
Maybe, that I was invincible, or that I could do a killer website while running a side-job, designing new resources for my Teachers Pay Teachers Store, and being ultra creative.
Maybe I wanted to sympathize with the type of hard work I knew my teacher friends were going through.
Maybe I wanted to see what my limits were in this new environment of working from home.
Maybe I missed the grind.
Maybe I missed being needed by students and teacher friends.
Maybe I was just, dare I say it. . .
lonely.
Takeaways
Even after a month of reflection, I still can’t explain exactly where my head was but, I sure can say that I learned my limits last month.
I debated whether or not to even write this post. To an ultra-perfectionist like me, throwing up the white flag is pretty self-defeating. I’m not someone who openly admits I can’t do . . .
Anything!
I’m your high-achiever, “yes girl”. But, something in me allowed me for once in my life to say, “no” even at the expense of looking like a failure (totally self-created I’m sure) to my friends.
So here we are. I chose to give myself a solid month break and not to write this post until I had healed a little bit of my heart and mind and could find a little humor in the situation. I’m glad to be back with healthier limits and expectations set for myself. I burned out on my own burnout challenge and learned a thing or two in the process.
Looking forward, I’ve learned sleep cannot ever come second to deadlines. I’ve learned I work best in the evenings, but I have to set a time for myself. I’ve learned when I start to resent something I love, to take a closer look at the practice that has lead to this point. More than anything, I’ve learned that the only person who’s opinion of me matters, is me. I can’t allow myself to fall into a self-beating routine.
I just can’t.
I’m still proud of my work and those writings. I believe there is still beauty in them. But I’m even prouder of my ability to stop myself from digging deeper into something that didn’t refuel me. I haven’t always done that.
For once, I put myself first. That’s what I had been writing about the entire time. It took me realizing and taking to heart what I claimed to believe to make it true.
Maybe there was more truth there than I ever knew.
Bottom line, never stop learning about yourself. I’ll be here practicing what I preach.
