4 Incredible Things I Learned When I Quit Teaching for a Year
When COVID hit in early 2020, I knew I’d have to quit teaching for a while. I have an autoimmune disorder that predisposes me to asthma and airway complications and I knew pretty much, right off-the-bat that a leave of absence was inevitably in my future.
Thankfully, I had the support of a very loving husband and the financial stability to make the leap– I know this isn’t the case for everyone and I feel very fortunate to have had the ability to put my health first. It has been fun, but it certainly hasn’t been all fun and games. In some respects, I’ve worked harder NOT teaching than I did as a teacher, but I’ve also made some life-changing discoveries about myself and the profession I’ve always considered my calling. Just because I quit teaching for a while, doesn’t mean I quit learning.
I’ll share with you some of the things I’ve learned during this time away.
No. 1: I Became Self-Conscious of My Inherent Worth
One of the things I wasn’t prepared for when I quit teaching, was becoming very self-conscious of my worth. My heart goes out to all of my stay-at-home wife and mom friends because I get it now.
When you’re a teacher, you wear it as a badge of pride. Sure, as teachers we aren’t paid what we’re worth, but whenever I introduced myself to someone and told them I was a choir teacher, I was ALWAYS lauded with the typical, “you’re amazing”, “I could never teach kids”, “that’s incredible”, “what’s that like?” responses. But now, when I tell people about how I work for a successful music tech blogging company and am working on my own startup teacher business, I get, “oh, that’s nice.”
It’s not bad. It’s just…different.
It’s not that I need to be seen as a teacher, but I was unprepared for what the change of occupation would do in my own mind to my sense of worth. Was I seen as anyone of importance anymore? Would people still respect my ideas if I wasn’t a teacher anymore? If I quit teaching, would I be seen as a failure?
I’m finding that my sense of worth as a teacher was handed to me. As a teacher, you’re generally respected in society (not BY society, but that’s a different story for a different day…) and people assume you are an honest, creative, hard-working person. When you’re not a teacher anymore, you’re seen not for your title but for your accomplishments.
This was and is hard for me to accept, but I’m working my way through it. I’m realizing that my value comes from my own relationship with myself and that I’ve allowed other opinions of me to define my own self-worth. I’m also realizing that I am far more proud of my own accomplishments I’ve done for no one but myself, than I ever was proud of being a teacher. It’s a change within your state of mind and it’s worth noting that you DO grieve the loss of the title if nothing else. But, you do find ways to repair the loss.
No. 2: The True Cost of Making a Difference
When you’re a teacher, you make a big impact in the lives of your students. They rely on you for advice, they test your boundaries, and they make you laugh. Students are a big part of why teachers keep teaching. The bureaucracy around mass testing and unfair teaching evaluations is a big stress and students are why we do what we do.
At least that’s what we tell ourselves.
But, I realized when I quit teaching, that I became so self-sacrificing that I had been paying the true cost of being a “difference-maker” all along. I was paying for it in mental health.
I have always worked in Title 1 schools, so I can’t speak of the burnout that teachers of other demographics have, but for me, it wasn’t the bureaucracy that burned me out, it was the kids. I LOVED my students, but I also cared so deeply about them that their words degraded me, their tantrums belittled my authority, and the constant lack of respect I felt as a teacher drove me into a really dark place emotionally.
I’ve always been a HSP (Highly-Sensitive Person) which means from a young age, I have cared deeply about the world around me, the lives and feelings of people close to me, and I’ve learned that chaotic atmospheres really rattle me. HSP’s often feel called to being helpers because of how much we care for people, but we also pay a much higher price emotionally when we deal with difficult people and circumstances.
In my case, I adored my fellow staff members. I worked with amazing administrators who always supported me. I have had dozens of students who wrote me letters of gratitude over the years and even lead some to become teachers themselves. I was highly regarded by my admin as having great student buy-in and classroom management. I truly demanded excellence from my students and held them and myself accountable when things weren’t working. I was seen as a leader and I was, pardon my words, a damn good teacher.
But none of this is said to get your admiration; only to say that those of us who are considered “top of their game” also struggle with the true cost of teaching and what it means to quit teaching. I was and am one of those people who struggle with giving so much of myself to my job without the reward being refueling enough.
No. 3- Teaching Opens Doors
For so long, I figured I couldn’t quit teaching. I had spent 10 years of my life teaching that I couldn’t feasibly do anything else. I had a Bachelor’s & Master’s degree in Music Education. I had sunk years and a bunch of money into teaching. Wasn’t I throwing it all away if I were to decide not to continue teaching after this year?
Not really. Teaching prepared me for being incredibly resilient. It taught me to be an engaging speaker and an organized leader. It taught me to seek understanding in people before judgement. It taught me to be wise and to learn from my mistakes. It taught me to seek challenges and to love learning and to accept constructive criticism. It taught me patience and determination. It gave me great friendships with wonderful people.
But leaving teaching for a while taught me some things too. I learned that I am an effective teacher even when I’m not in the classroom. I love teaching through this platform and I can share what’s on my heart when I feel it– and that is a pretty beautiful thing.
I’ve learned that I have an incredible amount of motivation to be my own boss and that when I’m not bound in a chaotic environment, I can push myself more; not just for the sake of survival, but for the sake of learning and growing and doing something new.
I’ve learned in this time away, that I care about self-sustainability. For so long, I’ve poured my heart and soul into an educational system that wasn’t even able to care for me this year– in my greatest need. I’ve learned that I am capable of being a great business mind.
I’ve also learned that there are things in me that desire to help teachers tap into their greatness by showing them bits and pieces of my heart. I’ve learned that I don’t have to ruin my spiritual life, deplete my emotional stability, and sacrifice my marriage for the sake of a job I loved that only sometimes loved me back. I’ve learned to be kind to myself again.
Would I have learned all of this if COVID didn’t happen? Would I have learned and gained all those things if I didn’t quit teaching? Perhaps, but I certainly would not have built the depth of character that I have now without it. I would never have found my drive to be a great leader or a confident instructor– of that I am 100% certain.
As I write this, I am deciding if I want to pursue a different life path, but I can confidently say that all is not lost. I’m not giving up on myself by considering quitting teaching, perhaps I am just growing into myself and acknowledging the strengths I have open up additional opportunities for me that don’t require the same level of emotional stamina as teaching does.
I can still teach. I can still lead. I can still learn and grow and do what I love– writing and making music– in brand new ways. Being a teacher was my box. Perhaps, the world is bigger and the opportunities are greater than what I thought when I consider all the things that are outside of what I thought was my only option.
No. 4: I Quit Teaching. . . I Didn't Quit Learning
It wasn’t until I quit teaching and took a serious hard look at myself, that I realized how unhealthy I had let myself become. I ate whenever I was tired or stressed or bored, I hated working out. I spent entire evenings after teaching on the couch binging Netflix. I was emotionally drained. My marriage suffered. I cried…alot. I was in therapy. I was constantly stressed out, I was on multiple anxiety and depression medications and my faith was practically non-existent.
I’m not going to say it magically got better the second I made the choice to stop teaching this year, but like anything worth doing well, it’s been a steady uphill climb. I found I LOVED Peloton classes, I started watching what I eat, I started taking some entrepreneurship courses and business classes, I dove deep into studying mindfulness and meditation, and I made the choice to spend more time in my Bible. I finally get enough sleep and I’ve worked with my doctor to reduce my medication in half of what it was. I’ve learned the true meaning of self-care.
I’m more present in my marriage and I appreciate the hard work my husband does far more than I ever did when I was working with students and burning out. I started pursuing what makes ME happy and learning new skills that I might decide to apply to a different career path. I learned I love web design and running websites. I’ve mastered half a dozen professional business systems, learned how to start my own courses, and taught myself basic coding.
My house is still pretty messy sometimes, I still nap frequently, but the deep deep part of my heart that takes stock of my life has finally found a few moments of peace. I still miss working out some days, I never say no to dessert, but I am praying and practicing mindfulness every day. I have more energy to invest in me and what I love so much.
I am SO grateful for this opportunity to explore myself and learn some reinvention. If I do decide to continue teaching in any capacity past this year, I feel like I can support myself enough to not need to work full-time and if I decide to pursue a different path, I know I have learned enough skills and made enough connections to be able to continue to provide for my family.
In the end, teaching isn’t worth losing yourself over. I let myself stay lost for so long. When I quit teaching for a year, I’ve found myself. Now, I’m just not sure if I can ever return to what was. Regardless, I’m so proud of what I’ve learned along the way.
Where are you at on your journey? Follow mine HERE.
